2 kids, 1 me

Scattergories

2008-07-16T23:34:25Z

Stolen from my sexy bagel-making GF.

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks! Copy the text below, erase my answers, then use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things.. nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial.. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Michael
4 LETTER WORD: Moat
BOY NAME: Matt
GIRL NAME: Mary
OCCUPATION: Math Teacher
A COLOUR: Maroon
SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Mittens
BEVERAGE: Mead
FOOD: Mashed Potatoes
SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Mouthwash
PLACE: Modesto
REASON FOR BEING LATE: Masturbation
SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Motherfucker!

wtf

2008-04-08T00:02:47Z

If people would learn to stay the fuck out of other peoples' business this world would be a better place.

A somewhat bitter rant

2007-11-24T06:10:19Z

I just got home from a depressing night at the bar with some "friends." For some reason, whenever I go out in public anymore, I get sour. Perhaps it is the droves of idiots that we are forced to wade through. Perhaps it is the culture of consumerism and unaccountability. Perhaps I am just damaged goods.

The night began and ended at a "tavern" which I have never been to and yet have visited 100 times. In other words, I felt right at home. I am from a small town where "culture" means eating at Olive Garden and "classy" means there is more than one pool table at the local saloon. This particular venue had neither. In fact, the atmosphere was so spot on that it included the customary piss and used tobacco chaw on the men's restroom floor. What compelled me to visit such a place? I do not know. Maybe it was my unwillingness to spend another night home alone or maybe it was just old fashioned peer pressure.

Scenery aside, I must say, people need to realize that just because I am single, you do not have to massage my ego like a sore foot. Indeed, I would rather you massage my sore foot than my ego any day, but I digress. I know I am young and attractive. I know that I have my "shit" together. I know that someday I will end up with "someone special," "the one for me," "the right person," or any combination thereof. If I were sitting there with a significant other it would be as if I were like everyone else. Good looks, levelheadedness, career, all out the window. Gone. Compliments? What are those. Furthermore, I do not need your help finding "a woman." I think I do a fine job on my own, thank you very much.

As I sat there, someone who I had just met today came up to me and started talking to me. He was obviously intoxicated. I had stopped drinking hours ago because I had to drive home. He tells me that I reminded him of him. He tells me that he used to be a shy guy but one day he just said "fuck it." He advised me that if someone didn't like who I was, that it doesn't matter just be myself. I felt like I owed this guy money for being a motivational speaker. What a jackass. I am fully aware of my strengths, limitations, and personality. Social gatherings are simply not one of my strengths. To assume that I would want to change myself is just asinine.

As the karaoke continued to blast through the cheap stage speakers and as my eardrums try to start a rebellion in order to drive me from this awful place, every once in a while a song would come on and people would get up and shake their asses to the rhythm. What a purely primordial and Neanderthal act of raw animalism. When a song comes on that I like, I find hard to sit still but this is different. I conjure up images of ancient mating dances and insects that shake their colored abdomens in order to attract the opposite sex thus giving new meaning to the phrase "bar flies." I cannot imagine deriving pleasure from such things.

As I drive home, I pass a car going 60 on I-270. They decide this is not acceptable. I am tailgated for a few minutes and get out of the way. I wait for them to pass as one of the passengers makes a funny face at me. I ride their ass for the next 10 miles until we part ways. I have succumbed to nature's most accessible emotion: rage. I have failed.

Why does God hate amputees?

2007-10-02T23:00:03Z

I was laying in bed one night and I could not sleep so I whipped out my Treo and started surfing. I put the word "Why?" into Google and discovered this gem of a site. I am nowhere near to completing the book that is contained within the site but I found it to be truly stimulating.

http://www.whydoesgodhateamputees.com/

nowise26 @ 2007-09-27T17:41:00

2007-09-27T21:45:35Z

Even the best make mistakes...

2007-09-26T21:24:11Z

nowise26 @ 2007-09-25T16:17:00

2007-09-25T20:47:19Z

This weekend I experienced American decadence first hand.

I had never been to Polaris Fashion Mall before last Sunday. The kids and I were bored and they didn't want to go to Tuttle Crossing again so I said pack up, we will check out a new mall.

I would like to preface with the fact that that I dislike malls to begin with. They typically make me ill. Kids love them though. Such is the sacrifice of being a parent.

So I drive the drive, fight the traffic. The entire area just screams Nouveau Riche right when you pull off the highway. Businesses and fancy places are springing up everywhere. Stores upon stores that you could get into your car and drive 15 minutes to in another part of town. Construction, BMWs, and the odor of exhaust assault my 5 senses.

I finally pull into the parking lot (only after going the wrong way and having to turn around). As I pass up the valet parking (and save the $2 + tip for coffee) I take a look around and think to myself that this is no ordinary mall. We park, walk across the parking lot dodged a soccer mom in an oversized SUV (this actually happened) and enter..

My eyes are still adjusting to the light when I notice we are being stared at by some people lounging on a leather couch. I shoot a nervous eyeshot back at them and then look around. Pillars, high vaulted ceilings, fancy signs and lights, I am seriously starting to wonder if I went in the wrong door. We walk by as I try to shrug off the oppressive glare of the yuppies at the couch. My best guess is that my jeans and Pink Floyd T-Shirt somehow offended them. As I continue on, I feel like I am walking through the Palace of Versailles, not a shopping mall.

The whole experience got me thinking. A place like this is straight out of ancient Rome before that great empire fell or France before the Revolution. We build the fancy buildings to go throw away our money on things we don't need while at the exact same time somewhere, a child dies of malnutrition. I bought a 4 dollar shirt that day from the clearance rack for my oldest daughter, yet just being there I felt to be part of the problem.

Writing your representative

2007-09-24T14:25:48Z

From the excellent consumer advocate website. Consumerist:

"Writing to Congress is the single best way to express your view on public policy. The average consumer has a surprising ability to influence legislation by crafting a well written missive and avoiding several common mistakes.

Why Personal Letters Beat Form Letters
Don't get suckered in by the quick and easy "Write to Congress!" form letters littering the internet. Form letters are not an expression of values; they are a show of organizational strength. If the NRA convinces five million people to send letters opposing gun control, it shows that the NRA can muster five million people to action, not that five million people necessarily care about gun laws. Congressional offices know this and generally disregard form letters.

So what happens when you send a letter?
Every office has its own procedures for tabulating constituent correspondence, but most will produce a report at the end of week breaking down how many letters were received by issue area, separating out form letters from letters sent by individual constituents.

Members treat each type of letter differently, but most look for individual letters as a barometer of their district's concerns. These are the letters that have the most influence, the ones we will show you how to write.

What Should Your Letter Say?
We adhere to the three paragraph rule: introduce yourself, introduce your issue, request action. Congressional offices have staffers whose days are spent solely on the mail, so make their lives easier by keeping letter succinct and to the point.

Introduce Yourself: There is a two-prong test for determining your worth: 1) Are you a constituent? 2) Are you an important constituent? Feel free to puff up your chest. Are you a lifelong member of the district? Are you associated with community groups? Say so! Convince the reader that yours is a voice of experience and wisdom.

Be specific: Don't just ask a Member to oppose mandatory binding arbitration agreements. Ask them to rush to the floor to support S.1782, The Arbitration Fairness Act of 2007.

Marshall Facts: Your argument - and you are making an argument - must be supported by facts. Feel free to use facts gleaned from us or other sources, but don't copy and paste paragraphs of pre-written text from form letters. Personal experiences are particularly effective, and often moving. Share them!

Be Exceedingly Polite, Please: Congress attracts haughty personalities. Staffers don't appreciate being spoken down to or insulted. You are trying to rally them to your cause, so be nice!

Clearly State Your Request: Plainly tell your representative that you want them to support or oppose a certain bill. If you want a response, explicitly (but politely!) ask for one.

It should go without saying that your letter should follow all formal style guidelines, such as a return name and address, and should be free of spelling and grammatical errors.

Send Your Letter To The Right Place
Only write to your representatives. You have three: one Representative in the House, and two Senators. Do not send more than three letters. Some citizens try to get their voice heard by writing to all 435 members of the House. Congressional courtesy compels the 434 Members who do not represent the zealot to forward his letter to the one lucky Member who does. This angers the Member's staff greatly at the expense of any point you are trying to make.

The addresses for your Representatives and Senators are available online, but don't waste your time with an email. Letters carry significantly more weight. Send your letter to the Capitol, where the legislative staff is based, though it will take a while to arrive since all incoming Congressional mail is irradiated thanks to those still-unidentified Anthrax mailers.

For an even greater impact, send your letter care of the staffer covering the issue. These staffers - called Legislative Assistants - are the Member's eyes and ears on their assigned issue areas. Finding the staffer destined to read your letter is easy: call the Capitol switchboard (open 24 hours a day!) at (202) 224-3121, ask for your Member's office, and ask the person who answers for the name of the staffer handling the issue area or bill number. Once you get that name, address your letter like this:

Member Of Congress
c/o Staffer
Office Building/Number
Washington, DC 20515

What Should You Expect In Return?
Depends. There are 535 Congressional offices and each handles constituent correspondence differently. The vast majority respond to letters with either a form letter pre-written by a Legislative Assistant, or with a more personal response written by a Legislative Correspondent. Controversial issues that attract many letters normally receive a form letter response, while smaller issues or specific questions often receive the attention of a personalized response.

Conclusion
Members of Congress work for you. Without your votes, they won't stay in office. They go to great lengths to cultivate a positive relationship with you, their boss. Very few people take the time to write to a Member of Congress, so the few that do carry a disproportionate influence.

Fifteen minutes is well worth the time to influence a $2 trillion enterprise."

Guns and bombs

2007-09-24T04:23:15Z

US says Iran smuggling missiles to Iraq

Wow. So I am reading the news and I encounter this jewel of an article.
Ok, so pretend that Mexico is being attacked or invaded by our enemies. Let's say.. Communists. Or Muslims. Whatever... Are you going to sit back and pretend that we wouldn't be giving them M-16s and F-16s and whatever else we can find that makes the bad guys go boom?

#1

2007-09-23T03:59:02Z

First blog ever, yay!

So, here I sit at almost midnight on a Saturday night. One of the girls is sleeping, the other one has been crying for 20 minutes.. joy. I am listening to KT Tunstall and trying to figure out what the hell she means. Rock stars aren't geniuses that is for sure, but they are more creative than I.

2 lines:

"Hold on to what you've been given lately. Hold on to what you know you've got, cuz the world will turn if you are ready or not."

"The beauty of uncertainty."

These songs are 4 tracks apart yet they contradict each other. What the hell. Somehow I can relate though.